Being uncomfortable does not mean that you are in wrong path


This is just another battle to equip you with improved skill

Or another course to take you to the next level

Or another piece to complete the puzzle
Just be held

Wait for the time to come

And when you look back

You will smile with no regret



A traveller thought he had walked so long

Cities, villages

Skyscraper, underground cave

Each brings different story, story he would never forget


The traveller thought he has tasted so much

Pain, excitement

Restlessness, joy

He thought he had enough


In a cloudy day, he stood tall

Then raindrops fell down

His bare skin recognized the old friend

The same raindrops has come again Continue reading


I don’t believe in one

Because what I thought the one was leaving

And put me in a misery year


I kept talking to myself

“It is fine, you’ll find another.”

“Maybe you misheard what God said about him, but it’s fine”

“He has chosen, so have you. Choose to love your life.”


But things didn’t get better so I spoke louder

“Damn it can’t you let your feelings go?”

“Will you stop crying like a baby? It’s been like 8 months, and you have to finish your final assignment!”


But sometimes myself blames me for more

“Shit, why should you meet him in the first time? Why didn’t you just pass him by, so he didn’t even have any chance to talk to you?”


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These are another imaginary conversation with me and my observer self regarding all mourning for the loss. It was not an easy road, but yeah, that’s life. Enjoy 🙂

Hi, what’s up?

Hmm, mixed up.

This never occurs in my mind, that coping with loss will be this painful. It’s not an overstating. Faith and encouragement come, but when we fail to look upon God, heavy mood begins to enter the heart. The tug-of-war between these extremes (faith and mood) is unavoidable, and often exhausting. It’s like you experience personal explosions inside your body, day by day, unseen by the other people. Terribly exhausting.

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Terima Kasih !

The loss of loved one is a huge deal, especially when she accounts for 50% of your existence reason. When we couldn’t stand, we thank God for every supportive hand, every encouragement, every text message, every call, every shared tears, and every wise advice. Those really help us to face the future.

My deepest gratitude belongs to:

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Our Life – Before and After


Sejak sepuluh tahun lalu mama terkena diabetes.

Tahun 2016, Monita masuk ke tahun keduanya di Fakultas Kedokteran Hewan UGM, Monika masuk tahun ketiganya di Pertambangan ITB, sedangkan saya masih mengerjakan tugas akhir di Manajemen Rekayasa Industri ITB. Mama adalah seseorang yang tidak bisa sendirian, jadi mama sering berpindah-pindah dari Jogja, Solo, Sukoharjo, dan Kudus.

Oktober 2016, mama kena stroke ringan. Waktu denger kabarnya, saya nangis berat, takut mama ga bisa sampe saya wisuda. Setelah diperiksa, ternyata kreatinin dan ureum mama tinggi, tapi masih dalam kondisi aman.

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